Death Notices

In America we have obituaries. Here they post notices on the street.

The death notices that are pasted around town have been something that have really stuck in my thoughts over the past year. How a culture deals with death says a lot.

As an American, I sometimes feel offended by the way death notices are just pasted on walls and signs around town. I guess, more than that, it bothers me that the notices are just left to be weather beaten and pasted over by more recent passings. I cannot help but think that this is a disrespect to the people these signs are meant to venerate, even though I know that is not how Albanians see it.

Death is public here. Albanians grieve openly and demonstratively. Families are expected to open their homes for three to seven days following the death of a family member so that the community may come and grieve with them.

The American response to death is much more subdued and individual. We tend to believe that each person should be left to grieve in his or her own way, and we really offer support only when it seems the person desires it. The community still offers support, but it is much more practical and less demonstrative.

I know that this is generalizing both Americans and Albanians, and we all respond to death differently, but these are the general things I have noticed and been thinking about.

I suppose I understand the public or communal nature of death here, and I understand the purpose of the public death notices, but coming from the culture I do it just does not quite feel right.

I think it also has to do with my personal nature. This may sound weird, but I really do not want people to grieve when I die. I want people to remember me, but to be happy for the life I have had. I don't know, I guess I am still trying to work it all out in my head.