6/28/05

I never wake up in the morning expecting to talk about President Bush’s genitals. However, each new day in Albania never fails to bring new surprises, and the things I enjoy most about living in Albania are the surprises.

Everyday I seem to discover a new difference between the culture here and American culture. One of the biggest differences I have encountered here is that no question is too personal or impolite. Any question is fair game. In America there are many questions that are simply considered taboo because we would feel that they are too personal or rude. Not so here. Within five minutes of meeting a person, it is guaranteed that they will ask you how much money you have, how much money you make, how much money various family members make, whether you have a girlfriend, whether you would like an Albanian girlfriend, which is better America or Albania, which are more beautiful American or Albanian women, how big is your house, etc. etc. While living in Belsh I was even put in the unenviable situation where two moms with young babies asked me which baby was cuter. Of course I just laughed uncomfortably and refused to comment. Come to find out, rating babies is a national past time here. In fact, about a month ago there was a show on TV where they simply showed photographs of random babies and viewers could call in to vote on which they thought was the cutest.

I had thought that after being here for three months I had encountered the full range of personal questions. All in all, I had become fairly comfortable with discussing issues that had initially struck me as a little personal. This whole personal question business came to a head (pun intended) one morning while I was having a drink with several local men in a lokale. I had just met these men that morning, so after getting through the formalities of my age, where I am from in America, and why am I crazy enough to leave America to come to Albania, one of the men proceeded to ask a question that I didn’t fully understand while making a cutting motion on his index finger. This was one of the few hand gestures I hadn’t seen here before, and the only word that I understood was gërshërë (scissors). (Please keep in mind that I had known this man a full three minutes at this point.) Luckily (or unluckily) there was a man there that spoke decent English and he was able to translate that the man was asking whether or not I was circumcised!

After initially wondering why in the world he would want to know and blushing slightly, I conceded that yes I am circumcised and that most of the boys in America now undergo the procedure, mostly for hygienic purposes. After assuring his friends that he had assumed correctly that I was in fact sans-foreskin, he proceeded to go around the table and inform me of the condition of each man’s manhood. How or why he knew each man’s “private” affairs was little weird to me, but he then informed me that the deciding factor for boys in Albania was a religious one, with Muslims circumcised and non-Muslims uncircumcised. As with any lokale conversation, George W. Bush entered the conversation and I was asked if I knew what his condition was below the belt. I told them that my guess would be yes, but I didn’t really have a definitive answer. However, I assured them that while W.’s condition was just a guess, Monica Lewinsky would have a definite answer as to the state of their favorite American Ex-President’s “willy.” Happily, this reply was greeted with a few pats on the back and a free beer.

Quickly tiring of this topic they decided to move on to a different subject -- the importance of my finding an Albanian girl who doesn’t have any brothers or cousins. Finding this kind of girl, they assured me, would cut down on any unexpected and unpleasant surprises. “But”, I replied, “it’s the surprises that make my time here enjoyable.”